Should Divorced Christians get Remarried?

Divorce stinks. Perhaps I should have thought up a more eloquent opening statement, but I think that pretty well sums it up. Divorce breaks hearts and breaks homes. It causes financial, emotional, relational and spiritual pain.  It’s breaks God’s heart and it should break ours too.  God never intended marriage to have an “Escape Clause!”

As a Pastor who has seen countless couples and many close friends get divorced, I felt prompted to share some thoughts and Scriptures. I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers, but I want to try to bring some perspective.

If you are a Christian who is divorced or near divorce…

Step 1: Fight to Save the Marriage even if the Divorce has already taken place. 

The Bible is clear that our first efforts should be on saving the marriage even if the divorce has already happened. Until we have exhausted every tool at our disposal (prayer, counseling, time away together, etc.) don’t consider moving onto to the next steps.

“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 

 

Step 2: Embrace Single Life with No Plans of Remarriage

Once you’ve done everything in your power and your former spouse has refused to reconcile, your next step is to embrace a sexually pure, single life making Jesus the primary relationship in your life.  Surrender all your anger and guilt over to God. Focus on your children, your own healing, your faith and your ability to serve others.

“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.1 Corinthians 7:8

 

Step 3: Move Forward with Prayer and Caution

At this point, the question shouldn’t just be “Can I remarry?” but rather “Should I Remarry?”

““I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.” 1 Corinthians 6:12 

After a period of healing and growth, if you believe that God is giving you the green light to move forward with a new relationship, please move forward with much prayer and caution. If you are already in a relationship and considering remarriage, I encourage you to read my previous blog posts: “6 Questions to Ask before you get married” and “8 Things to do before Getting Married.”

A Final Note of Encouragement:

Many divorced people feel that they’ll never measure up in the eyes of God. Please remember that because of Jesus, your past is completely forgiven and you are made a New Creation in His sight. You are not defined by your mistakes or failures but by His perfect love for you. For additional insight, I encourage you to read Jesus’ Grace-filled interaction with a woman who had been married five times in John Chapter 4.  

This issue of Christian Divorce and Remarriage is a Hot Topic all over the world right now. Please share your opinions and insights on this important issue.  

 

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Should Divorced Christians get Remarried?

  1. Mirjam says:

    I’ll try to pack my thoughts in as few words as possible 😉

    “Divorce stinks” … So true! A few years back a friend of mine told me, “Pete and I will get a divorce. But we are still friends and still able to talk about everything. We won’t fight over things.” I told her that divorce is always a battle – no exception to it.

    I had gone through it before. My first husband decided to leave his son and me after five years – because he no longer felt like it and wanted to be free again. It was tough.

    2 years later I met my second husband. We waited 2 years until we’ve got married. Yes, I got remarried and that was tough, too – sort of.

    “Patchwork” families are different. Grandparents and in-laws, especially if they are not Christians, can make life hard on the new family bond. You might think more often: Have I really done the right thing?

    Don’t say it in a disrespectful tone of voice, but be firm and consistent: This is a new marriage/family that deserves a chance to grow.

    One day, after reading a Christian view about remarriage (get divorced immediately and go back to your first husband or else stay single forever) I got really sad. My husband and me discussed the issue: we put our marriage “on the altar”, fasted and prayed and waited on the LORD to give us an answer. We were ready to give it up – if He would tell us to.

    O how He blessed us and our marriage! I’m so very grateful for His answer! Yes, we are still married – celebrating our 14th anniversary this year.

    PRAYER

    Forgiving is hard to do, especially coming out of a abusive first marriage. Do not carry this package into your second marriage! The only way to forgive and to forget and have a new start is to pray for your first husband/wife. Even if you do not believe so, please, do it. You will see: wounds will heal!

    PS: I hope the comment is not too long but still long enough to get the point across. Thanks for listening!

  2. Yesspaz says:

    It’s pretty poor hermeneutics and a disingenuous representation of the Bible’s teaching to use Paul’s teaching about whether single people who’ve never been married, or widows, should get married as evidence for divorce and remarriage. I’m pretty sure Paul would back up Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:31-32: “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

    That was conveniently left out of this post.

  3. Josh says:

    Another tough, controversial topic. Excellent advice. I’m thankful for my wonderful marriage and family. In a short blog post format, your points are well thought out. On point #2, I think people use that to say Christians should NOT remarry. But it doesn’t sound that way at all to me. I really like The Message version of this 1 Corinthians 7:8 passage. That is more in line with what I believe God’s Word says about this topic: “I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.” Additionally, if Christians were not allowed to remarry, I would not be alive to make this post and my 3 beautiful boys would never have been born. I believe God has a plan for my life, my marriage, and my boys.

  4. Autumn says:

    My parents are both very strong Christians and they divorced and remarried other Christians. I ese no problem because sometimes God has a plan for you and maybe you get off track, but he will always have someone else carry that out. I think remarriage is fine if they are Christian too and have the same beliefs. God wants us to be happy. So yes, divorce is not part of his plan for anyone, but mistakes are made and he can alter his plan to make you happy!! 🙂

  5. Autumn says:

    *see

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: