“Trophy Wife”…A Message for Husbands

I’ve got a great friend who is fighting for his marriage. I’ve been inspired by the depths of his faith and the strength of his resolve to win back his wife’s heart. He has taken full responsibility for the part he played in contributing to the marital breakdown, and he recently shared a story with me that became a turning point in his journey…

For years, my friend worshipped his cars. He was a car nut. He knew everything about cars and would spend long hours honing the engine, waxing the paint and painstakingly caring for every detail of his prized possessions.

He was good at it. So good, in fact, that he would spend the weekends at car shows where he accumulated a massive amount of trophies to confirm that his time on his vehicles had been well spent. The more trophies he won, the more he was motivated to work harder on his cars to win more trophies.

When his his wife was ready to leave, in a moment of despair and absolute clarity, my friend looked at those trophies and he realized what they were…junk. They were idols that he had been worshipping instead of worshipping God. They were tangible evidence of thousands of hours he robbed from his wife and family and given to his hobby.

He boxed up over one hundred trophies representing his blood, sweat and tears and he hauled them to a dumpster and threw them in the trash.

He made a promise to God that he would never again put his work, his trophies, his money or anything else ahead of God and his family. His priorities would now and forever be:

1. His Relationship with Jesus

2. His Relationship with his Wife

3. His relationship with his kids

4. Everything and everyone else.

What does your money and your time say about your priorities? The Bible says, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Don’t let your work, your hobbies, your trophies or anything else take the place of priority in your mind and heart that belongs to God and your family. You will never regret the time you invest in those relationships but you’ll always regret the things that you choose to place ahead of them. What “trophies” do you need to throw away to remind them and yourself what matters most? 

Your spouse and your kids should always know that there is no “trophy” on earth that you value more than you value them. Let their pictures be what fills your trophy case. Let your love for them and your faith in God be what drives your ambition. You’ll never go astray when you’re priorities are in the right place.

Your relationships are the only “trophies” that you can take to heaven, so spend your life investing in them. Trust God, Treasure your Wife, spend time with your Kids and build a legacy of Love, Laughter and Faith in your family that will touch the world for generations to come!

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15 thoughts on ““Trophy Wife”…A Message for Husbands

  1. […] it and was definitely an eye opener. Hope this helps someone here that might be in the same boat. “Trophy Wife”…A Message for Husbands Soul Caffeine __________________ SUPERCOLLECTING ANDRE JOHNSON […]

  2. Wade says:

    Great truth in this post!

  3. So beautifully written. If only men and women would take heed to this. Jesus was about relationship and that is what life is about.

  4. Just Saying says:

    So Christians don’t approve posts from fellow Christians who disagree with their article posts??? Why didn’t you approve my post?

    • soulcaffeine says:

      I’m all for disagreements and dialogue and I welcome both, but your previous post seemed to be coming from a confused view of what Worship and idolatry really are and it would have taken much longer than I invested in writing the actual post just to adequately respond and from the tone of your statements, I sensed that you were more interested in being heard than you were in being taught by God’s Word. I apologize if I misinterpreted your motives. The bottom line is that I do this in my limited free time as a free service to those who want to grow in their faith and not to provide a platform for myself or for anyone else.

  5. max says:

    I have a question/concern. The article talks about not putting anything ahead of your family, yet the list in the article clearly has the relationship with Jesus ahead of the relationship with family. Are you saying that your faith in Jesus should supersede your relationship with your family? If so, are you not back in the same boat as the man was before, where something came ahead of your family and caused turmoil? For example, if i am deeply religious, and my wife is not, isn’t the time i spend going to church gatherings and functions taking away from the time i could be spending with her and the kids? And if it makes her upset to the point of leaving me, should i sacrifice my relationship with Jesus to save my marriage? Just looking for thoughts from people as i have had religion be the dividing factor in relationships among friends and while faith helps their melancholia, it doesn’t bring back their wife and kids and they are all very saddened over this. Any help is appreciated.

    • soulcaffeine says:

      Great question. In God’s Master Design of Life and Marriage, when we are fully committed to Him first and foremost, our life is in balance and ever part of our life will be stronger and healthier. If life looks like a bicycle wheel, our relationship with God would be the hub in the middle and all the spokes would represent our other relationships, our career, etc. When every part of our life is connected to God and revolving around God, every part of life will be stronger. When we place ourselves in the middle or anything or anyone else, it never works well. The bottom line is that a man in love with Jesus is capable of being even more in love with his wife.

      • max says:

        I appreciate the feedback, but feel like you misinterpreted my question. My question had to do with my wife feeling like my relationship with God is interfering with our marriage and the time i spend with our kids because she does not want them to go to church, as she doesn’t either. In that circumstance, being fully committed to God and Jesus is leaving my life out of balance because my religious practice is causing me pain by separating me from my family, which is actually hurting my marriage. What good is having God as the hub of my wheel if there are no spokes attached anymore. Should i renounce my faith to be closer with my family, or should i jeopordize my family to maintain my faith. It seems like one or the other is inevitable. So if i can’t have have both, what should i do?

    • Matt says:

      I was once in a long term relationship with a girl who didn’t believe in God. She had strong morals and was a nice girl, but our contrast of beliefs was a constant, recurring problem in our relationship. It lead to many arguments and ultimately the end of the relationship. This was all without children being involved, so I know your situation is complicated! We all know we’ll have to work hard at any marriage – but if it would ever come to a breaking point over religion – I’m certain that a relationship with God is the ultimate and most important thing in life. It is eternal. Put your faith in God and continue to pray for help with your marriage. If it comes to an end one day, it won’t be for your lack of effort. But if it does, take comfort in knowing that God has a plan for everyone’s life, and after our life on earth is a whole eternity with our Heavenly Father : ) Don’t ever give that up! God bless.

    • Lorraine says:

      I think what the post below was trying to say is this…. God is the creator and designer of marriage. When you are in relationship with Jesus and you honor your marriage and truly love your wife and family, then you ARE putting Jesus first. You are honoring Him by loving your wife and family. Just as you honor Him by performing your work as unto Him and not just to please man. We are called to congregate as believers (go to church, etc.) in order to edify and lift one another up in Christ. However, you can accomplish this by meeting in small Christian groups at lunch or whenever it doesn’t interfere with your time with your family. You can help out at gatherings and functions when you can. I do not believe that God would want you to turn your back on your family to serve Him. You can serve Him in other ways, and He will know your heart. This is how how you put Jesus and your relationship with Him above your family, by honoring the very institution of marriage that He created.
      Also, please know that if a non-believer wants to leave the marriage, even after you have done all you can do, the Bible says to let them go. If you have done all God has called you to do, and they still want to leave, then let them go. As the husband, I believe God has called men to do 4 things…1) love, 2)lead, 3)protect, and 4)provide. If you have fulfilled everything that God asked of you, you will have peace in whatever happens.
      I hope this has helped you. I am not a pastor, just a believer who has been where you are. Peace be with you.

      • max says:

        Lorraine, while i appreciate your comment, God was not the creator of marriage, as marriage was around long before the knowledge and understanding of the existence of God ever was, whether in the Judaic, christian, or Muslim religions. Marriage was one of the concepts borrowed by christians in the formation of the bible when Constantine the Great called the First Council of Nicaea. Therefore i cannot base my decision around that premise as marriage existed in polytheistic societies thousands of years before the big three came to be. Religions that were discounted by Catholics as being not valid in the eyes of God. Yet they share this same sanctity.

        However, i do enjoy your viewpoint and feel that by sacrificing my time spent worshipping God to better the relationships with my family will lead to a better relationship with Him because he knows i am trying to improve the bonds we tied during our marriage ceremony.

    • Keep Your Eyes on Jesus… I don’t know how much time you attend church but maybe just attend on Sunday or invite them to family events. Keep in the Word. Use Saturdays as family time.

    • Hello.I am the child of a strong believer and a committed atheist.I have seen the drama of the “mixed couple” many times.Some stay together.Some do not.This is marriage counselor territory,Max.We are wise not to play doctor.We can share our experience but should be wary of giving advice.My parents shared their convictions with us but we were encouraged to think and explore for ourselves.Dad did not put me down for believing.Mom did not object to how my relationship with God differed from her own.In this way they put us first,and their beliefs first,and their relationship first.They were married for eighteen years.It wasn’t a cakewalk but I am grateful for how they handled the question of religion.It can be very different for your friends.As a friend be careful how you respond.Ministers can help,but this is really a job for the professional counselor.People do work this out.Good Luck.

  6. Michelle stone says:

    Wonderful article

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