6 Questions to Ask Before Getting Divorced

As a Pastor, nearly everyday I talk to someone whose marriage is in crisis. They often feel desperate, exhausted and alone. It’s a heartbreaking scenario when the dreams of “Happily Ever After” are crushed, and in the midst of all the pain and confusion, it is nearly impossible to think clearly about what next steps to take.

For anyone considering Divorce as an option, I would strongly encourage you to ask yourself these questions:

1. Have I done everything in my power to save this marriage? Granted, you cannot control your spouse’s actions or their desires, but have you done everything in your power to bring healing and hope? If not, write down a list of things you could do and start doing them. Marriage is always worth fighting for!

2. Am I trusting my Faith more than my Feelings? Feelings are fickle and in many divorce scenarios, people are pursuing an illusion of happiness instead of trusting God’s plan to bring wholeness, health and peace.

3. Is Divorce the healthy choice or the selfish choice?  I believe that in some scenarios where there is a pattern of broken trust through adultery or physical abuse, the only viable option is Divorce, but in most scenarios, Divorce is a Permanent Solution to Temporary Problems.

4. Who are my biggest influences right now? When you’re in the fragile state of marital breakdown, your support network is vital and they will have a tremendous amount of influence in your decisions. Surround yourself with people who will love you enough to give you Truth, encouragement and support based on God’s Word, not their own shallow opinions.

5. What am I teaching my children by getting a Divorce? There is never a scenario where Divorce doesn’t devastate the children involved. Their faith and their security are often shattered and the fallout lasts for decades. I know because I deal with those devastated from their Parents’ Divorce constantly. If you’re leaving your spouse for another person, in terms of Character, it’s not much different than taking your kids to an orphanage and trading them in for other kids who are more attractive or who will  treat you better.  

6. Am I willing to stay single for the rest of my life? If you answer “No,” then your motivation for the divorce is unhealthy. If you see Divorce as an opportunity to play the field or to find someone who will appreciate you and do all the things your spouse isn’t doing, then you need to stay and fix your own marriage. If you Grass looks Greener on the other side, you don’t need to move; you need to stay home and water your own grass!  

If you do find yourself in the midst of a heartbreaking divorce, please know that God loves you, He is with you and He has extraordinary plans for your life. Seek Him and let Him be the one to bring healing to your heart. You may feel Alone, but God has never left your side.

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8 thoughts on “6 Questions to Ask Before Getting Divorced

  1. Tammy says:

    I am going through a divorce. Your words speak truth…if a person thinks it’s better with someone else or life will be easier…it won’t. Work through it, work on each other and pray.

  2. Erin says:

    I think you meant divorce is “a temporary solution to a permanent problem”.
    Good points.

    • HappyInLife says:

      Read it again… he stated it correctly. Divorce is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. (He excludes abuse and repetitive adultery)

  3. Kay says:

    i have been married 12 years my husband was wonderful in the begining of our marriage but then continued to drink, drugs and has broken the law many times. As a Christian women I held faith that things would get better and really did not want to divorce. He became violent and he was getting to “close” to my one daughter. It was not a healthy situation. I thought and prayed about this for 2 years and then the end of 2011 I told my husband I wanted a divorce and he asked me to wait until the new year to file. The new year came and I filed. Even before then he was getting into trouble. I feel I have done all I could to improve our marriage but I could not do it alone anymore. It became unhealthy for all of us. My court date is the end of this month and the divorce will be final. I feel a weight has been lifted. I love my God if it wasn’t for Him I don’t know how I would have gotten through all this. Kay

    • Amanda says:

      you are an amazing woman i couldnt held out that long you Show true grace. and alot of people would of had there faith Shaken but you didnt !

    • Jeanne says:

      You are a very strong woman, Kay. I too have been through divorce, coincidently after 12 yrs of marriage. I divorced a man who I found out had never stopped dating!! He became abusive. It was unhealthy for me and my son. My pastor told me that God does not intend for you to be in danger, and forgives divorce if we must. I, like you, gave all I could for years…prayed, read all the books, got counseling…but divorce still happened. And as #6 above says: I was perfectly willing at that moment to stay single forever!! I did not date for 2 years, and concentrated on my child. Seven years after my divorce, God sent me my new husband. This is the person that God intended me to be with. And I think that was the difference…I didnt let God choose the first one.
      Your comments really hit home with me, Kay. So that’s why I replied. There is truely hope in Him. Focus on God and your child, and happiness will follow. And enjoy the little things, the little victories in daily life are what life’s all about. God bless!!

  4. mtb says:

    This is an interesting page. Gives good advise for the most part.
    Take care babycakes, love ya!
    Terri

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